Bring on the Timid Beer

My older brother Ian drives like a bat out of hell. This has been the case since I was a teenager. Once, when I was riding shotgun in a friend's car, Ian blew past us driving at his normal clip. Our friend offered his perspective on Ian's need for speed. "Anyone can can break the speed limit, but it takes a true genius to break the minimum speed limit." 45 minutes and 10 miles later, we caught up with Ian.

With this story as a backdrop, I have an idea. So many brewers today are attempting to push beer into uncharted territories. Brewers are trying to figure out how to add more body, more hops, more alcohol, more, more more. Kudos to them and I look forward to enjoying their spoils of exploration. Want some names of beer to try? How about Dogfish Head's Golden Shower, an imperial pilsner. Besides possibly the best beer name ever ( can you imagine popping over to your local watering hole and asking the bartender for a Golden Shower?) it has a slightly sweet taste with a hint of orange followed with a nice soft punch of hops and cognac on the back end. Believe it or not, but this is based off the same style as a Budwiser. Or how about Chouffe Houblon Dobbelen IPA Tripel? This beer has a head of white frothy meringue, a nice hazy yellowish hue, a bit of honey, followed by the most wondrous gift of hops that can only be produced by the magical Amarillo hop. As with this consistent upward thrust, both of these beers double the alcohol levels of what most beers produce.

But with these two examples, it leaves me asking, is the only direction we can go is up? Up in hops, flavor and alcohol. But where is the exploration on the other side of this coin? The question I pose is, why not down?

Anyone who has been to brunch with me knows that I hate restaurants that serve only breakfast food for brunch. I don't like eggs, don't drink coffee, and the idea of eating something sweet for the first meal makes be go into some kind of diabetic shock. That leaves me with eating lunch for breakfast. Now this next statement might worry those that love me and will encourage attendance to one of those meeting that suggests you take it one day at a time. I forgo the risk for the sake of beer and all those that enjoy it. Why not make a big flavored beer that has practically no alcohol and serve it for breakfast. Something like a lightly carbonated, low alcohol, full bodied sweet lacto stout sounds like a dream.

If you have not yet tried a sweet lacto stout, run out and grab Hatachino's Nest's version of the style. It is easy to come by and does the style well. They use lactose, or milk sugar, which does not ferment, but adds an sublime, silky smooth, milky taste to the stout. The roasted barley in the stout brings a rich, nutty, almost coffee-like flavor to it. For you history buffs, during the civil war, coffee beans were as hard to come by as a black man serving in the confederate army, so the soldiers used to drink a hot brew of roasted barley as a substitute. It tastes kinda like watered down coffee.

Now, here is the part where I create my rational for drinking beer for breakfast while not looking like a complete alcoholic. If everyone on the planet can drink coffee for breakfast, then why can't I get a low alcohol version of the sweet lacto stout style which has a similar taste profile to that of coffee? I mean, the Irish have been drinking stouts for breakfast for centuries. Oh wait, that probably didn't help my case. But seriously, if the alcohol is minimal, but the flavors are that of coffee and milk, why not? (pretty weak rationale, huh?)

So I call on all the experimental brewers out there. Tap in to this unexplored region of beer, the Mount Everest of beer, if you will. Show me what type of geniuses you really are by pushing the minimum and not just the maximum. And when you do deliver, I promise I will add it to my list of things to consume for breakfast, no matter what social awkwardness may arise!

Aiii, It's Hopzilla!

Last week, A few friends and I ventured to the Extreme Beerfest in Boston. Despite having a stupid and uncreative name for what should be a celebration in creativity, the Extreme Beerfest is a expo where breweries get to parade their most recent experiments.

What is a beer experiment? To explain this, I need to first explain what it isnt. Most beer is the light, refreshing kind that isn't bad on a hot day. If comparing it to food, this type of beer is the chips and salsa that any Mexican restaurant serves before dinner. It is fine, you know what to expect, and will hold till your real food arrives. Then there is the craft beers. They are refreshing, enjoy developing specific styles while packing in some great flavor. This type would compare to poblano pork Sopes with crema fresca. It has some serious flavor and a clear tie to it's heritage. Lastly, there are the experiments. These beers bend, break, and demolish styles while punching you in the face and kicking you in the junk with flavor. Going back the mexcian food analogy, it is like charred Habanero pepper marmalade spread on a buttery, corn and chorizo scone. Sounds great, right? Yes, but with limits.

The Beerfest (I have left out Extreme cause it irritates me so) was like three hours of stuffing that habanero marmalade and chorizo goodness down my gullet. The idea sounds magical, but the problem with the event was that after a few samples, I could no longer make any balanced opinions because my taste buds were rebelling. I even went back towards the end of the event and re-tried one of my more favorite beers (a double IPA from Ithica) and I could not taste any of the qualities that I had loved.

I am sure that you, my dear reader, is saying to yourself, "Well, no shit!". But I think this brings up a good point. Besides just tooling around in the brew shack, what is the point of these beers? If you can't go to the pub, order a pint and truly enjoy it, then why experiment?

I believe that we are at an interesting point in beer's history. American breweries are being inventive with everything from ingredients to methods of brewing because they are not bound by traditions like the German's Reinheitsgebot. They also have a crowd of people, like myself, that want more quality beer on the market and are willing to experiment and develop their tastes. This environment spawns the experimental beer, but in order for these new beers to work, I believe we need to be willing to experiment with new ways of enjoying these new beers.

Wine has been experimented with for centuries. We have red, rose, white, desert, sherry and thousands of variations with in each class. You do not pour yourself a big glass of sherry. Like wise, why is it that pubs that serve these monsters try to offer you a pint or even a half pint of some of these beers. I wonder if there is too much testosterone among beer drinkers? People love to chat about how they just tried some overly hopped beer. Who cares? Whoopdidoo! You were able to slug down a pint of a double imperial smoked poter. Cool, but did you enjoy it? Could you notice the malt complexities or the hoppy finish towards the bottom of the glass? I doubt it cause these beers by their sheer design, will eventually overpower your tongue.

I believe that we, as beer consumers, need to stop treating these monsters like beer and treat them like what they really are. They are the sippers. The little glass'd beer that kicks you in the junk (or junkette) every time you bring the glass to you lips. And if you are worried about strolling up to the bar and coming back with a teeeny-tiny glass of beer. FAGAETABOUTIT! You don't think those guys that sip a small glass of fine scotch whiskey are pussies, so why are you when you do the same with some serious beer?

Oh and one of my favorite beers from the fest? Dogfish Head's Festina Peche, a peach flavored champagne-like wit ale! Perfect for summer, now only if summer were here now!

p.s. - I would like to dedicate my first post, posted on President's day, to Jimmy Carter. Thanks for the Homebrew, President Carter!