Bring on the Timid Beer

My older brother Ian drives like a bat out of hell. This has been the case since I was a teenager. Once, when I was riding shotgun in a friend's car, Ian blew past us driving at his normal clip. Our friend offered his perspective on Ian's need for speed. "Anyone can can break the speed limit, but it takes a true genius to break the minimum speed limit." 45 minutes and 10 miles later, we caught up with Ian.

With this story as a backdrop, I have an idea. So many brewers today are attempting to push beer into uncharted territories. Brewers are trying to figure out how to add more body, more hops, more alcohol, more, more more. Kudos to them and I look forward to enjoying their spoils of exploration. Want some names of beer to try? How about Dogfish Head's Golden Shower, an imperial pilsner. Besides possibly the best beer name ever ( can you imagine popping over to your local watering hole and asking the bartender for a Golden Shower?) it has a slightly sweet taste with a hint of orange followed with a nice soft punch of hops and cognac on the back end. Believe it or not, but this is based off the same style as a Budwiser. Or how about Chouffe Houblon Dobbelen IPA Tripel? This beer has a head of white frothy meringue, a nice hazy yellowish hue, a bit of honey, followed by the most wondrous gift of hops that can only be produced by the magical Amarillo hop. As with this consistent upward thrust, both of these beers double the alcohol levels of what most beers produce.

But with these two examples, it leaves me asking, is the only direction we can go is up? Up in hops, flavor and alcohol. But where is the exploration on the other side of this coin? The question I pose is, why not down?

Anyone who has been to brunch with me knows that I hate restaurants that serve only breakfast food for brunch. I don't like eggs, don't drink coffee, and the idea of eating something sweet for the first meal makes be go into some kind of diabetic shock. That leaves me with eating lunch for breakfast. Now this next statement might worry those that love me and will encourage attendance to one of those meeting that suggests you take it one day at a time. I forgo the risk for the sake of beer and all those that enjoy it. Why not make a big flavored beer that has practically no alcohol and serve it for breakfast. Something like a lightly carbonated, low alcohol, full bodied sweet lacto stout sounds like a dream.

If you have not yet tried a sweet lacto stout, run out and grab Hatachino's Nest's version of the style. It is easy to come by and does the style well. They use lactose, or milk sugar, which does not ferment, but adds an sublime, silky smooth, milky taste to the stout. The roasted barley in the stout brings a rich, nutty, almost coffee-like flavor to it. For you history buffs, during the civil war, coffee beans were as hard to come by as a black man serving in the confederate army, so the soldiers used to drink a hot brew of roasted barley as a substitute. It tastes kinda like watered down coffee.

Now, here is the part where I create my rational for drinking beer for breakfast while not looking like a complete alcoholic. If everyone on the planet can drink coffee for breakfast, then why can't I get a low alcohol version of the sweet lacto stout style which has a similar taste profile to that of coffee? I mean, the Irish have been drinking stouts for breakfast for centuries. Oh wait, that probably didn't help my case. But seriously, if the alcohol is minimal, but the flavors are that of coffee and milk, why not? (pretty weak rationale, huh?)

So I call on all the experimental brewers out there. Tap in to this unexplored region of beer, the Mount Everest of beer, if you will. Show me what type of geniuses you really are by pushing the minimum and not just the maximum. And when you do deliver, I promise I will add it to my list of things to consume for breakfast, no matter what social awkwardness may arise!